Holiday Season
by Kayami Naru
Summary: It's the holiday season on the U.S.S. Enterprise. During the holiday party, Spock realizes that a certain Captain is missing from the festivities. When the Vulcan searches for him, he finds Kirk sitting outside the radioactive door. What feelings come out between the two under an innocent piece of mistletoe? (post Into Darkness with implied spoilers).


It was six months into their five year journey and the holiday season was just around the corner. After first contact with Earth, many other planets adopted traditions and practices to celebrate the thanksgiving and gift exchanging holidays that they witnessed. Applying their own beliefs, traditions, and names for these holidays; many planets started to celebrate the holidays of winter. So, when the holiday season was upon them, everyone on the _U.S.S. Enterprise _was in the mood to celebrate. Christmas trees were standing tall and beautiful in a couple places around the ship, menorahs were lit and placed on cleared surfaces where they wouldn't be knocked over, and many decorations and artifacts from other planets were hung here and set there to make the ship feel like home at the holidays.

Currently, the holiday party was in full swing. One of the hangar bays had been cleared and decorated. Lights were twisted and hung around any available surface; they twinkled beautifully in reds, greens, yellows, whites, and blues. A long table was covered in foods and drinks from all corners of the universe; some looked delicious while others look questionable. Over the speaker system, a mixed playlist of holiday songs from all cultures and planets played; Uhura had made it in an effort to make everyone feel at home. Standing in the corner of the party, a glass of peppermint whiskey from Earth clutched in his hand, Spock observed as people laughed, danced, chatted, and smiled with each other. Luckily, despite the presence of alcohol at the party, there had been no fights or incidents yet. The Vulcan was nearly tempted to finish his drink and return to his quarters for meditation and rest.

Despite the fact that Vulcan had been re-established— his future self had found an excellent planet to start a new colony on— the new planet was not his desert home. It was hot and red with sand, but it lacked the perfect balance of dry air and wildflowers and there were very few mountains. Yes, it was perfect to rebuild his species on, but it was not his home. And the half-human still felt the sting of Vulcan's loss; more importantly, he still felt the unbearable ache of his mother's loss.

As a child in his home, he had been almost primarily raised in Vulcan tradition. However, his mother's human heritage came through in strange places. Being raised on Earth, she had celebrated Christmas, and she always said that the lack of snow or festivities didn't mean that she couldn't still celebrate on Vulcan. So, after convincing his father that one little human holiday wasn't going to kill their child or fracture his precious intelligence, they started celebrating the gift giving season as a small family. This holiday, this party, the lights, they all just reminded him of his mother. And with her on his mind and her loss still fresh in his heart, Spock was not in the mood to celebrate.

He released a barely audible sigh and took a sip of the strange, but pleasant tasting concoction in his cup and resolved himself for a long night. As commander of the _Enterprise, _he needed to stay and watch over the crew as a superior to make sure that they kept safe and out of trouble. Glancing around the party to once again assure that everything was in its place, the half-Vulcan realized that something was very out of place.

Where was their Captain?

For days leading up to the party, he had appeared excited for the chance to eat, drink, and relax with his crew. They had been very careful around him as of late, as if he was going to fall over dead at any second. And really, Kirk couldn't blame them, but he was still ready to relax with them as a friend and comrade in hopes of returning things back to normal. However, Jim wasn't in the hangar bay. Finding this suspicious, and a little worrisome, the Vulcan searched out Dr. McCoy in the crowd. Finding the foul mouthed doctor talking with one of his nurses, arguing about the morality of assisted suicide, Spock touched his arm gently and waited to be acknowledged.

"Well, if it isn't the green blooded hobgoblin. What can I do for you, Spock?" The doctor's words were slightly slurred and the smell of alcohol was heavy on his breath. No doubt the man had been drinking heavily.

"Have you seen the Captain recently, Dr. McCoy?" He spoke slowly and clearly in hopes that the doctor would understand and answer him quickly. Ever since Jim had died in front of him and Spock had been forced to face the onslaught of emotions that death invokes; the Vulcan had been oddly drawn and attached to the captain. More than he normally was. It was no secret that Jim Kirk had a strange magnetic quality to his personality. It was almost as if the captain had his own gravity that people got caught in if they got too close. And Spock had most definitely gotten too close. The half human found that he often wanted to be around the man, even if it was just standing slightly behind and to the left of the Captain. Pushing the thoughts of his strange attraction to the Captain aside, Spock returned his attention to the doctor.

"Oh Jim, haven't seen 'im in a while. Scotty told me he hangs out by the warp core a lot, though."

Spock blinked at this and felt his innards tighten painfully. He most definitely didn't like the thought of Jim being anywhere near the warp core. After a polite thank you to the inebriated doctor and ordering Uhura to keep an eye on everything for a little bit, Spock headed to engineering.

It was still very strange to walk down these halls as opposed to run. Even know, he felt like something was deathly wrong. His instincts told him to run, to run quickly and find his friend. Spock controlled this feeling though, seeing as there was no logical reason to hurry to the warp core. No evidence indicated that Kirk was in any danger and it was silly to work himself "into a knot", as the captain would say, over nothing. So, with much resolve, the first officer walked slowly to engineering.

While he walked, he let his thoughts return to his strange attraction to the captain. It had resulted in many things. First off, it ultimately resulted in the termination of his and Lieutenant Uhura's relationship. It had been amicable, and as far as the Vulcan knew, she had been spending an increased amount of time with the engineer, Mr. Scott. It was none of Spock's business though, so he pushed the thoughts of the two away. Thinking back on Kirk, he tried to decide what his true feelings for the captain were. Upon his first realization that he was attracted to the captain, he had been analyzing his feelings. He thought about the strong feelings of loss and grief he had felt at Jim's passing. He reflected on the intense relief and affection he felt when Jim had _finally _opened his eyes in the Star Fleet head quarters sick bay. He considered the strong physical and mental attachment he felt to Jim. Something inside Spock buzzed when he was away from Kirk, but the minute they were near each other, his mind calmed and he felt completely at ease. There was only one explanation for all these symptoms.

It took him two point eight three seconds to find Jim once he had made it to engineering. Ultimately, as surprising as Jim's actions could be, he was very predictable. Walking slowly toward him, Spock looked down at his friend, who was curled up against the radioactive door. Spock knew that Jim knew he was there, but the Vulcan felt no need to talk as he slowed to a stop and stood with his hands behind his back.

Jim looked up at his first officer slowly, his eyes shining with pain, grief, and oddly enough, regret. Troubled by this mix of emotions, Spock sat on the floor across from Jim and folded his hands in his lap.

"Is something troubling you, Captain?"

Jim smiled at the professionally phrased question and shook his head slowly.

"Just thinking, Mr. Spock," glancing at the door, Jim knew he should elaborate because Spock was going to ask what he was thinking about, "Just thinking about how sometimes, it's too late. And most of the time, you never get a second chance."

Spock was puzzled by his words. Had the captain been too late to do something and regretted the results?

"What is it that you are too late for, Captain?" Spock didn't know why, but he didn't like the idea of Jim regretting something.

"It was almost too late." Jim's voice was quiet and thoughtful as he turned his bright blue eyes to Spock. "I was given a second chance though and I'm not going to mess it up this time."

Spock didn't have the chance to ask what the Captain meant. Moving faster than Spock thought he was capable; Kirk closed the distance between them and pressed his soft lips against Spock's. Spock went rigid for a moment, shocked not only by the kiss, but by the sudden flood of emotions and thoughts that he got from Kirk's touch.

There was pain and sadness, regret and guilt, and a deep sense of love and affection. Images of red blotchy hands pulling a too heavy body along the floor flashed in front of his eyes and an image of his own face with tears in his eyes appeared. Attached to that image was a deep sense of guilt, loss, and affection. With more force than he meant to, Spock pushed the captain away from him to escape the strong emotions the captain felt. He tried to ignore the look of rejection and hurt that flashed over the captain's face.

"Please, captain, do not think I pushed you away because I did not enjoy the kiss. It is that you feel very… strongly. It was overwhelming and I need a moment to collect myself."

The pain cleared from Jim's face as he nodded and respectfully sat back. Taking a deep breath, Spock concentrated on centering himself as he watched Jim purse his lips, as if to hold the feeling of the kiss in his mouth. It softened some of the uncertainty that Spock was feeling and made him realize that his thoughts earlier had been correct.

Reaching out, the Vulcan took the human's hand and turned it over carefully. Jim allowed him to manipulate his arm and watched with patient curiosity to see what his first officer was going to do.

Reaching out with his hand, Spock brushed his first two fingers over Kirk's first two fingers and waited to see how his captain would respond.

It was instantaneous. Kirk's fingers curled and he felt a shudder run through Kirk's entire body. Spock couldn't fight the small smile that tugged at his lips.

"What was that?" Kirk asked his voice oddly breathy. Spock found the quality of his voice pleasing.

"It is a Vulcan kiss. In a society governed by intellect, public displays of affection are uncommon. This is one of the acceptable forms of affection to show one's ashayam in the presence of others," Spock explained in a matter of fact fashion, hoping that Kirk would understand the meaning behind his words.

"Ashayam?"

"The Vulcan word for 'lover' or sometimes, 'soul mate'. Although the idea of a 'soul' is highly illogical."

Kirk smiled; leave it to Spock to throw logic into the description of a soul mate. Wait soul mate. What Spock had just done with him was an action shared with a soul mate. The meaning was not lost on Kirk.

"I need you to know why I couldn't leave you, why I couldn't let you die."

Spock blinked at him, oddly uncomfortable with the words Kirk was saying. It was too soon after his death too close to the place where he died. Kirk noticed his eyes tighten.

"It's more than being friends, Spock," he paused to let his words sink in, "It's about love."

He didn't get a chance to say anymore before warm lips were pressed against his and strong hands were gripping the back of his neck and the side of his face. Kirk wrapped his arms around Spock's neck and shoulders, clutching the Vulcan closer to him and craving more. He had been hiding these feelings for months. Ever since he'd woken up in sick bay in San Francisco. He'd known, the minute he laid his eyes on the Vulcan, that he wanted to be more than friends. Watching Spock on the other side of that glass and then seeing his face when he woke up had forced him something. He was in love with the pointy eared bastard. He didn't know when it had happened— the late night discussions, the chess games, the onetime Jim had convinced Spock to drink with him— but it had happened and the captain couldn't do a damn thing about it now. So, he embraced it privately with vows that he would never tell Spock unless Spock showed interest as well.

And now, against all odds, the Vulcan was showing interest as well.

Letting all thoughts go, Kirk let himself be swept away by the kiss. Spock pulled away entirely too soon and Kirk couldn't help the growl of displeasure that slid past his lips. Spock smirked at the sound but none the less leaned away from his captain and looked at him with deep brown eyes.

"You are not too late, captain."

Jim groaned.

"Spock, we're off duty, you just _kissed _me; will you please call me Jim?" Kirk groaned in exasperation.

Spock's mouth lifted sheepishly in a half smile.

"Jim," Spock started slowly, as if tasting his name. Jim smiled and gently touched his two fingers to Spock's, earning a slight smile and green tinted cheeks.

"You are my ashayam, Jim."

"And you are mine."

With that, they were beyond words as they explored each other's mouths. Unknown to them, an innocent piece of mistletoe hung above their heads.


End file.
